


Literal Kitchen Nightmares

by TheSaturnianWildcat



Series: Partners-In-Crime [7]
Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, good ol fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaturnianWildcat/pseuds/TheSaturnianWildcat
Summary: When you court someone, you do nice things for them. Things like cooking them dinner. Which is great. Except Black Hat can't cook...at all.





	Literal Kitchen Nightmares

So what was good to make for dinner? Black Hat asked himself this as he tapped his chin with one clawed hand and opened cabinets with the other. Unlike a human, he didn't _need_ to eat. It was nice to though. His tastes in food were either the finest of delicacies or meat so rare, it might had been butchered off the cow and placed straight on his plate. In the case of times he ate civilly, he usually just used his powers to make the food appear right on the plate. He grimaced remembered the last date with Dr. Flug. He had attempted to actually cook the steak but he gave up, deciding to take the awry steak for himself and serve his doctor a proper one. While Flug didn't mind it, Black Hat did. He was quite possibly one of the most powerful beings to walk the planet and...he couldn't cook. He couldn't cook to even save his life and he hated this _so much_.  
  
He huffed in irritation and snapped his fingers. In front of him, a cookbook appeared and he caught it before it could fall to the floor. He leaned on the counter as he flipped through the pages where demonic and human recipes alike were stored. Seriously, right by a dish on how to stew a human heart was how to bake tilapia. Luckily, he paused on the page with the tilapia and skimmed the recipe. He set the cookbook down on the counter and tapped it, the ingredients appearing on the counter in a puff of black smoke. He grinned to himself. By his next date with Flug, he was going to be a master chef.  
  
Flug stifled a yawn as he strode down the hall to grab a snack from the kitchen to celebrate finally figuring out the issue with his latest invention. What little tiredness he  had melted as he stopped outside the door to the kitchen. From behind it the smell of smoke lingered, shrill beeps rang and screams of absolute fury emanated, "You useless junk, _obey me_!"  
  
Flug tried to figure out what could possibly be going on inside. When nothing logical came up he bit the bullet and opened the door.  
  
Inside, Black Hat loomed over the stove, face twisted in an unearthly snarl with definitely more teeth than he usually had  and talons that looked more like hooks. The stove's only response was to emit thick black smoke. And on top of all of this, the fire alarm screamed. Flug stood there with mouth agape. Did he really need a snack or should he leave Black Hat to...whatever he was doing? But he decided he had more trust in Black Hat than he probably should have as he piped up, "Black Hat, what are you doing?"  
  
Black Hat glanced at him and at the sight of him, all the extra teeth retreated away to leave his usual face. He gestured to the stove and said as if it made the most sense in the world, "It's not cooking right!"  
  
Flug walked over the stove. The temperature was set well over 500 degrees Fahrenheit! He yelped, "What were you trying to do?!" and cranked the temperature back down to zero.  
  
Black Hat said causally, "Cook," as he watched Flug rushed to the cabinet and slip two oven mitts over his gloves.  
  
Flug rushed back to the oven and yanked it open, snatching the pan out of it and dumping it in the sink. In the middle of it was something...it was too blackened to even recognize what it had been. He sighed, "Did it say to cook it at _500 degrees_?"  
  
Black Hat shook his head, "No, it said to cook at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes but hey, I figured if I cook it at a higher temp it would cook faster!" he said with a wide grin. "It made sense. I'm a genius," he added.  
  
Flug sighed, deciding to not dispute that. "How about I help you? I'm not a spectacular cook but if I have instructions, I can make anything," he suggested.  
  
Black Hat gasped and shook his head furiously. "No, you can't!" he protested, "I'm courting you so I have to do it!"  
  
Flug smiled softly then giggled despite himself. Black Hat cried, "Why are you laughing?! Flug, I'm serious!"  
  
"I just...that's adorable...," Flug admitted softer, still giggling slightly.  
  
Black Hat immediately turned his head away, probably to hide a blush, and mumbled, "So what if it is? I'm still doing this myself."  
  
It was Flug's turn to act indignant and cross his arms as he said, "Stop being stubborn. Lemme help..." he paused then added quickly, "...it won't be anything romantic or anything so we're not breaking any rules."  
  
The idea that there were rules behind romances was hilarious to Flug. What was even funnier is that Black Hat wanted to follow these imaginary rules to a T. That is, considering most other rules that Black Hat should follow were broken mercilessly by him. The demon in question sighed, "Fine," and returned back to the cookbook.  
  
Flug followed, deciding it best to ignore the recipe on the left page in favor of inspecting the one on the right. A simple baked tilapia recipe with citrus and seasonings. Flug commented, "I'm guessing it was easy going until the stove."  
  
"More or less."  
  
Flug nodded and read the first instruction that was to preheat the oven to 350 degrees. By now, the oven hopefully had cooled off. It had stopped smoking so the fire alarm had quieted. With careful movements, he set it to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. He said, "I think you can do the rest until actually cooking it?"  
  
Black Hat shrugged, "Doesn't hurt for you to read them out," and retrieved a pan from under the sink.  
  
He set it down and even hummed cheerily as he greased it. Flug looked away and read off the next instruction, "Now you gotta season it with salt and pepper and Cajun seasoning."  
  
"Easy enough," Black Hat purred, summoning another two fish fillets from thin air and putting a healthy amount of each seasoning onto them before setting them in the dish. He looked to Flug, "And now?" he asked, seemingly genuine.  
  
Flug wondered if he _really_ needed instruction but decided to continue rather than ask and rile up Black Hat, "Now you gotta put lemon slices on them."  
  
Black Hat grinned a wide and actually purely excited grin as he summoned a lemon from thin air and cut it into slices with his own claws. Flug bit back a comment of 'is that sanitary' in favor of saying, "Now you just need to cook it for 20 minutes."  
  
Black Hat slipped it into the oven and shut it. He grinned, "See, a genius!"  
  
Flug laughed softly, "You just followed instructions."  
  
Black Hat paused and stuck his mint green tongue out of his mouth. "Yes, but I'm a genius at following instructions," he said.  
  
Flug laughed still and closed the cookbook. "So are we done?" Black Hat asked.  
  
"Well people usually make other things like-"  
  
Black Hat cut him off with a groan. A smile tugged at Flug's lips as he asked, "Do you even like to cook?"  
  
"I have to!"  
  
"But do you...like it?"  
  
Black Hat paused for a second then admitted, "No."  
  
Flug smiled wide, happy for the bag covering his face. "Let's just go out for dinner then next time," he said.


End file.
